A lot has been happening lately personally. Some extremely minor health stuff, some extremely stressful job hunting, a fair amount of reading and a deep dive into FromSoftware's Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice (I'm a massive fan of games headed by Hidetaka Miyazaki). I haven't been writing for both these reasons and also falling into an all too familiar trapping of feeling as though I have nothing to write about.
Now, I call this a trapping because it's exactly what I wanted to avoid. But avoidance is hardly at all productive, so in a sense I'm glad it came around to this so that I can do something differently about it: write anyways. I've come to some thoughts just now while writing this about the idea of writing without purpose.
There really isn't such a thing as writing without purpose. Now, what's evoked here, in my mind, is the idea that writing without purpose is a purpose in an of itself. This, of course, is true, but hardly satisfactory. I like to write when I can make connections and would like to avoid writing for the sake of writing as much as possible. However, perhaps it would be worth it to write for the sake of writing when I find myself stuck because of how often it seems that connections eventually get made without my knowing of them beforehand. That is exactly what is happening right now. The connections I'm making as of now are those that came through the process of writing and not beforehand.
This is a blog and not an academic endeavour, though an extent of its original purpose was to display my consistent engagement with sociological questions as I spend some time out of its organizational halls, so to speak.
What I have found some comfort in, however, is that, during this dry spell, I didn't really get thirsty. Before beginning this blog, I felt pent up, bursting at the seams with ideas I wanted to just get out there and see what happened. I kept putting it off for various reasons, most notably the idea that since I had no audience, it wasn't a reasonable pursuit. I've come to realize that this wasn't something worth entertaining anymore and then I just, ya know, did it. I don't have an audience, and I don't want to say that I don't want one, but I've come to accept what may come, be it an audience or not. This is shown in how okay I was with taking this short break from writing.
Firstly, the last thing I wrote was done in about the space of 3 hours. I was exhausted after doing that. A lot of the things in that article about Throbbing Gristle's 20 Jazz Funk Greats and its 33 1/3 companion book by Drew Daniel where ideas that I've been developing for a long, long time. I have a lot more to say about the ideas I explored in that kinda case study, but I was absolutely spent after that article. My mind felt exhausted, but relaxed, calm, satisfied.
Basically, I achieved a goal of mine, which is to take it fucking easy on myself when things don't go the way of the insanely restrictive and unreasonable expectations I place on myself.
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